Friday, November 25, 2011

Why Kyle and Jackie O always seem to have listeners (bummer).

Finally I have a bee in my bonnet worth writing about.

Kyle Sandilands: Massive Cunt (I love that word).

I have always wondered why Kyle Sandilands and Jackie “O” still have a job. But before I go on to examine some of the reasons, let me just have one last crack at pushing these turds into unemployment.

Sign the petition to push Kyle Sandilands (and his sidekick Jackie) out of his job. Instead of hitting his employer, which has failed in the past, this time the online community is targeting the money. You only need to watch The Wire to know thats where the shit is at. Sponsors of Kyle’s program a pulling their ads in droves (check the petition for the latest withdrawls). The latest figures say Southern Cross Austereo (Kyle’s Employer) has lost around $8 million in advertising money.

Lets face it, this will not kill Kyle, he hangs on to power like a middle eastern dictator. Nothing short of riots and looting will shut down his revenue stream (WHY!?). Sadly, this time, protests have slowed and Kyle is still on the air. But his reputation is now genuinely blackened for the first time. Lets hope the damage lasts long enough to compound his next fuck-up.

So, the obvious question, what did this guy do anyway? For that I will direct you to the Wiki page where you will find a list. Yes, there is quite a bit and you are probably wondering how this man still has a job. I’ve already expressed my confusion. You thought I was joking about the middle eastern dictator bit didn’t you?

While Kyle’s vileness (twitter #vilekyle) is obvious its his more timid sidekick Jackie “O” who I find equally horrific. Her name alone should indicate her high opinion of herself. Especially considering her second name never began with “O”. The best words I can find to describe Jackie “O” are “Tepid enabler” (my favourite) for her innability to take the moral high ground over her cohost and “Plastic”, a term taken from the film “Mean Girls” (watch it) where it was used to describe typical highschool, super bitchy, exclusive popular girls. Together, both Kyle and Jackie act like your bog standard “popular group” at highschool. So what is the number one mandate of a popular group? To be incredibly bitchy and cruel to anyone NOT in the popular group and to expect that everyone admire them purely for being popular (or risk further humiliation).

Anyone who dares to criticise Kyle or Jackie can expect instant vitriolic cancellation of endorsement. Even if the target never had their endorsement to begin with (like Frenzal Rhomb). Retracted endorsement is a scathing punishment as far as Kyle and Jackie are concerned because there is nothing worse than being told by a popular person that you are not popular anymore. Even if you never were. It is presumed that you will obviously die of shame.

Yup, Kyle Sandilands and Jackie “O” have the intellect of highschool teenagers. Why more people haven’t pointed this out I don’t know. You only have to look as far Denton’s interview of Kyle to find evidence of retarded mental development.

Which brings me to my initial question. Why do Kyle and Jackie have an audience? The vast majority of us are glad as hell that we left the bitchy popular people behind in highschool. Why would so many of us invite this particularly nasty example of popular superbitch back into our lives?

Probably because we still care about being popular.

I guess there are many of us who throughout highschool secretly wanted to be popular and “loved” (or the popular person equivalent of love). I also think that listening to Kyle and Jackie lets some listeners feel like they are in the popular crowd for once. For a few hours they get to do all the things that popular people do, perpetually congratulating each other for being popular, humiliating nice people who are less attractive (because thats what matters) and attacking “losers” dumb enough not to be “cool” like them.

I am certain that some listeners are motivated by the fantasy that if they were to actually meet Kyle and Jackie “O” they would be instantly recognised as “cool” and welcomed into the popular crowd. Dream on. Aspirational Radio in a way. But don’t forget that the aspirations are teenage ones. If you know any teenagers you will have realised that 90% of their existence is spent examining their social status and how it ranks when compared to others. The other 10% is wasted trying to obtain sex. Which probably also goes a long way toward explaining why Kyle and Jackie “O” have such an incredibly young audience. Their listeners are not returning to a hirachical, bitchy highschool mentality. They never left.

Sadly, the only way most Kyle and Jackie “O” listeners will discover how juvenile their hosts are, is to live a few more years and grow up as people. A petition (with 25,000+ signatories) and a campaign to boycott all advertisers might hurt Kyle and Jackie’s reputation for a while, but while their listener-ship remains the advertisers will return. While I hate to end this article on a pessimistic note, unless we stop breeding, there will always be more teenagers. So there will always be Kyle and Jackie “O”. Unless the teenage idea of “cool” shifts.

I take that as a challenge.

Monika

EDIT: Via twitter, @sharpcontrast pointed out that the Wiki page does not include one of Kyle’s most sustained attacks. Aimed at Geoff Field and described here

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Feasibility is an engineering based blog designed to reach other STEM people. Non-STEM people are also welcome! I try to give good advice and well-reasoned opinions but please don’t hesitate to disagree with me. This blog exists because I realised that I live in a metaphorical bubble and that simply wont do. Nup.

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